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On My Heart

Wednesday, February 19, 2014



So can I be honest?  I have been feeling kind of small and insignificant lately. A bit invisible. Sometimes I wonder how my life is making an impact on this world. And it's not because I feel like I'm missing out on some big important career outside of the home. Like I have to save lives or be a missionary in Africa, or attempt to change the world as a politician. In fact, I have never been more sure of my calling as a stay-at-home mom in this current season of my life.  But if I'm truly at peace with that calling, why do I often feel so small?  Why do I often feel like this blog adds nothing but noise to the internet? Why can't I translate my thoughts into eloquent words?  Why do I still fall into the thinking that productivity equals value?  Or that I constantly fall short in my role as a wife, mother, and friend?  Why do I let a good book, or verse, or piece of wisdom settle deep into my heart only to forget it the next day and never choose to apply it?

I'm clinging to God's promise that I am seen and loved.  I believe that with all my heart.  I believe that I am His daughter. Adopted. Sought after. Ransomed. Cherished.

And it's not because of anything I do to earn it. 

And I think I forget that God is working through me in many ways I am unaware of. Because the truth is, if we are seeking God in our simple daily lives, then we are making an impact on our world.  Our circles of influence may be big or small but it doesn't matter.  If we are choosing to abide and walk freely in His love then we are doing what we were created to do.  Jesus already saved the world.  That is not my role.  My role is to abide.

I love this quote from a favorite author...

"I don't believe there is one great thing I was made to do in this world.  I believe there is one great God I was made to glorify.  And there will be many ways, even a million little ways, I will declare his glory with my life. " - Emily P. Freeman, excerpt from A Million Little Ways


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11 comments:

  1. I can absolutely relate to this Bri, thanks for sharing. I've been asking the Lord to help me be obedient and see HIM in these "small places."

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    1. Mackenzie, thank you for your comment and for relating in such an encouraging way!

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  2. Your words:

    "Why do I still fall into the thinking that productivity equals value?"

    Ah, they were the band aid that peeled off of the wound of me. Coming from a home that grew up modeling "busy is success", I struggle with this so very much. And here I sit, BUSY. And still questioning my value. Busy does not equal value. I love the honest rhythm of your words here. Thank you so very much for sharing.

    .mac :)

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    1. Mac! Oh my goodness, your comment love and tweets have been so precious to me! I don't know how you found my blog, but I'm sooooo glad you did. I have just been catching up over on your blog and feel connected already. Thank you for your thoughtful words. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who finds it hard to keep up with a culture that insists that our productivity (i.e. our striving) is what matters most. xoxoxo

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  3. I relate as well. I wonder if we all feel small?

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    1. Its hard to wrap my brain around the fact that God knows 1 billion people on this planet intimately. I believe it! But it's crazy to think about.

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  4. I feel small too. And overwhelmed. And insignificant. And sometimes completely empty, like motherhood has carved me out into something hollow. I bet God has plans for all this, but I just don't see the big picture right now. Hugs to you, courage to us both. :)

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    1. Laura - I am so thankful for you. Because sometimes I read about your grand adventures and think that you must be living the LIFE. But I know the smallness can creep up on us all. I so appreciate your transparency and your willingness to encourage others! And yes indeed... courage & strength to you, fellow weary mother.

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  5. You hit it on the head when you said, "God is working through me in many ways I am unaware of. Because the truth is, if we are seeking God in our simple daily lives, then we are making an impact on our world."

    Even if you aren't aware of who's lives you may be touching, there is someone out there touched by your words, your pictures, your faith. Even if this blog just ends up being something that your children can look at when they are older, I KNOW it will impact their lives, and you'll be grateful you did it.

    It's hard to not feel insignificant, but that's Satan getting into our minds, trying to get us to forget our true worth. Stay strong and remember that you are a daughter of God. He's proud of you, and that's all that matters!

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    1. Thank you so much Bre! Your thoughtful comment is so encouraging to me. I am so thankful that you stop by here and that you're so easy to relate to.

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  6. I feel this way all of the time, and it's good to hear I'm not alone. I know that inner yearning for more is because of the "more" we have in heaven, but it can be so hard to place that in the hands of Jesus and remember that it's already secured as you said and our role now is to abide in that.

    And sometimes I also struggle with finding the balance between being still and abiding and the abiding that is also found when we're creating things with our hands, because that's also how He shows Himself to the world.

    I think the big thing for me is to remember that I'm not going to figure it out, but I can seek Him and trust that He'll guide me to do what needs done and to be still when I need to be still. And that often we need to 'do" a whole lot less than we think. I love what Emily said and believe it's so true. Our most radical redemptive act is just living in Christ's love. It's amazing.

    And in case it goes without saying, I don't find you or your blog insignificant at all. I'm always encouraged by your words or photos and honestly just the fellowship (for lack of a better word) of sharing life in faith.

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