Thursday, August 1, 2013
I don't consider myself a very brave person. Unless of course you mess with one of my children, then I will go all mama bear crazy on you. But in general, I avoid conflict. I hate confrontations and discomfort -- especially emotional discomfort. I am definitely a flight responder in most cases. And when something gets really hard, my first instinct is to avoid, ignore, and not deal with it. Side note: This drives my husband crazy.
I have to do something this weekend that I am anxious and down right sick about. I have to face something that is very emotionally taxing. And I.don't.want.to.do.it. I want to stay right here in my safe home where I can trick myself into thinking I have more control. And I don't have to see the ugly and the sad of life. But I want so badly to be brave! I've asked my friends for prayer. I've been building up my spiritual armor in anticipation of this weekend. I've been reminding myself of the times where beauty has risen from the ashes. And I know that facing scary things are the best way to deepen my faith and my character. But it's so so hard.
Bravery and selflessness are two character traits that I wish would just come naturally to me. But they don't. So I will keep inching towards them. Prayerfully, tearfully.
I can do hard things.
Sara Barellies is one of my favorite artists, and this song and video below have been my theme for the week. It's given me a bit of laughter and confidence in the face of fear. If you're needing some encouragement to be brave this week, please listen!