Tuesday, May 7, 2013
We spent a lot of time outside this weekend getting the deck ready for summer, taking care of the yard, weeding and all around de-winterizing.
Almost four years ago when we moved to Pennsylvania, I was 8 months pregnant and not very excited about the move. In fact, I was not very excited about this house. It sounds so selfish and petty to me now, but the house just didn't seem to feel like me. I was having a hard time visualizing that it could ever be me, even after making some changes and adding my own decor. But my husband felt 100% confident that this was the house that God had for us. And although I didn't feel that confident at all, I do remember falling madly in love with the yard. There was tons of room for the kids to run, century old trees soaring 40 feet high almost standing guard over the whole property. There was the sweetest little walkway in the front and our very own woods in the back. It definitely sealed the deal for me.
Now, after almost four full years of watching our yard change through each of the beautiful four seasons, and so many memories made inside these walls, I adore my house. And I've fallen even more in love with our yard. It's our little corner of the world. It's where we dig up worms and catch butterflies and fireflies and have picnics and go on nature walks and collect rocks. We play basketball and hockey in the driveway and jump in puddles and roll in the snow. It's home.
Sometimes I feel so embarrassed about how ungrateful and whiny I was four years ago when we moved in. I felt the need to complain about the most insignificant things. Rich people problems, ugh! My selfishness was appalling. But I think deep down, it was a fear of change and my failing to trust God. And you know what? He doesn't promise a nice suburban home on a quiet street with beautiful trees. That could all be taken away tomorrow. But he does promise to provide for our needs. And four years later, my trust in Him has grown by leaps and bounds. Fears have been settled and my faith has deepened. My security no longer comes from a certain kind of house. It comes from knowing that I'm only a sojourner on this earth anyway. My true home awaits in heaven. Let your mansions live inside me. (lyrics by Burlap to Cashmere)
For now, I am going to love and care for this little spot I've been entrusted with. I'm going to tend my garden and let the kids run. I'm going to gaze outside my kitchen window each evening as I wash dishes and thank God so much for these walls and this yard and these dishes. It's a wonderful temporary stop on my journey to the promised land.